i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
