You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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