My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
