Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
