How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
