at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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