STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
as a side note pls kill me
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