my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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