Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
