question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
