the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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