why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
