Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
