Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
