my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
