hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I could make wine with my vomit
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
