I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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