Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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