Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
