I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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