I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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