I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
