I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have tasted many bathrooms
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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