once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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