apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
