Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize