No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize