I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my liver is dry heaving
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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