I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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