If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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