Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
