dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
