you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
