I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
