She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
