You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
