i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
