We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
