So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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