U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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