yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
