I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
