I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
