I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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