Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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