I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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