While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
