am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
