Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
