What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
