I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
