my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
