You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
