Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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