after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i out mim tonsoeep
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