fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
