Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
