She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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