I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
