....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize