apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
honey bunches of taint.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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