It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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