community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
