Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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