I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
