if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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