I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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