he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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