I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
