you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
