I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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