omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
