listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
