But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
