On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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