I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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