let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
