I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
