I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
