my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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